I had planned to show some "real" photos of my flaws to expose the real me which would have correlated with my previous posts. I'm not ready to do this though. Saying what I said in my post last night was a huge step for me. To me, that was like peeling off a layer of my former self.

Research

Final Project

So I feel like for this final project I want the class to really see me. It will be my onion/final project assignment and will incorporate my previous blog post. I want to show my flaws which will be a huge thing for me to do, especially to people that I have barely taken the time to know.

Reality Check

Ok, so I don't even know where to begin. When Beth went through the list of assignments that we had done and I realized how much I had missed, I was angry at myself. Not until today though did things go full circle for me and did I finally give this class a chance. Pretty sad huh?? Anyway, today at work I was offended by something that a co-worker said to me and this is how I responded, "Well Marsha, I would be angry at the world too if I were as gigantic as you." At the time I thought I was being funny and felt like the "cool kid" because I made everyone laugh at her expense. I didn't start to feel bad until about 15 minutes ago when I was putting my youngest son asleep. I laid there and thought, what the fuck is your problem Mallory??? And then I realized that I've been doing this forever. I THINK I'M BETTER THAN OTHERS. This is the reason that I'm not getting to know people in my classes and why I reject new friendships. I'M A BITCH. When we were talking in class the other day and Beth talked about people not really talking, I knew that I was one of them. I am actually really talkative and couldn't put my finger on why I wasn't talking in class. Well, come to find out now that it was because of my superiority complex. I would always think, these kids in my classes don't know shit. They haven't been through what I've been through. I'm 24 and being in class with them is like babysitting my kids. I can't remember when I started acting like this. Maybe it was the years of private school or my constant obsession of having the finer things of life...who knows, but I'm ready to change. In our last class on the blazing hot rooftop deck, FREAK said something to me that really stood out. He looked at me and said, "you're pink and yellow." And for some odd reason I didn't question it and instead was finally proud to be something other than I had perceived myself to be.

Going Without A Sense

So...I wanted to take one of my senses away from myself for this blog and see what kind of experience I would have. I wanted to take it away from the real world, but enhance it but only from my perspective. On Thursday, I don't have my children, so I thought it was the perfect day to do this. I'm in school for a large part of the day, so that aspect also made this experiment interesting. I decided to have my own personal soundtrack for the majority of the day by constantly keeping my ipod on and attached to my ears via headphones. it was extremely interesting to see how people reacted to me never taking my headphones off. People would talk to me and I attempted to read their lips which I found out, I'm not half bad at. During my first class, I sat in the back of class and no one really noticed what I was doing. The teacher lectured while I listened to music which made class a completely different experience. In between classes I went to Wal Mart and to the gas station, where if someone spoke to me I just kind of nodded my head. People kind of reacted to my like I was a bitch...it was kind of funny. In my second class I had to adjust and reintroduce myself to other sounds by taking only one headphone out so I could do the tutorial with the rest of my class. This was interesting. Things sounded so funny with John Legend playing in my other ear. It was actually interesting because at one point when we got up for a break, and the whole class got out of their seats, it was as if the music climaxed at the same time. Overall this was a really fun experience and I learned that I can read lips actually really well.

WOW....where have I been?

So I can't believe that I haven't blogged in this long. I have been so busy with school and the babies being sick that February just flew by. A couple of weeks ago Beth let us choose to either watch a movie in class and order pizza or have a bliss assignment where we could go do whatever we want, but we had to dedicate the full class time to our bliss. I chose to have the free time because I never get free time and just wanted to hang by myself. My bliss consisted of the following elements...eating at Noodles and Company while watching Desperate Housewives on my iPod and then spending time at my friend of 10 years, Bryan's house and watching more shitty reality television. So, it's not like I did anything spectacular with my time, but I was abe to take a couple of hours and dedicate it solely to me, which I seriously appreciate.